"When In Doubt, Look Good"

Here’s another gem that Mike loves to whip out at that midway point in every class when heat and exhaustion start to take over. The theory behind “when in doubt, look good,” is that no matter how tired you are, you’ve gotta remain in good form. It’s the difference between slumping over your handle bars and looking like you’d welcome death; and keeping your arms loose, your butt back and your legs strong.

But let’s get serious- on Pan Mass Challenge weekend, every rider is going to be showing off the impeccable form they’ve been working on for months. If I really wanna stand out (which I always do), I need to focus on the true essence of looking good: A kickass jersey and a pimped out ride.

Which makes this a good opportunity to talk a little bit more about why this ride is so important to me. Come that first weekend in August, I will be riding in memory of my Grandma Murray, who died of pancreatic cancer last year.

My Grandma was my favorite person.

She was also a witch. In fact, she was one in a long line of witches that currently ends with my sister and myself. Now, don’t go getting the wrong idea- my Grandma was a good witch...unlike her sister – my Great Aunt Lorraine – who we were always told had a streak of black magic in her. While my Great Aunt never embraced the wicked witch title, even by her own account it would be fair to describe her as a retired psychic turned animal healer.

I am not even kidding. Here’s a rough family tree:


Lemme give you a little example of what this all means: A few years ago, my cousin was preparing to celebrate her bat mitzvah and sent out invitations to the entire family telling them just that. Well, when my Great Aunt received the invite, she RSVPed that she would be unable to attend the ceremony – at this point, 3 months away – because she KNEW that her cat would be sick. Again, I am not even kidding. To make up for her absence, my Great Aunt sent a check. Not surprisingly, this response was poorly received by my cousin’s family, who proceeded to rip up the check and mail the pieces back to my Great Aunt. Rinse and repeat this absurdity a couple of times and what ensued was a cross-continental, snail mail battle the likes of which this country has never seen before. Of course, come bat mitzvah day, my Great Aunt swore her cat was even sicker than she had foreseen…

But, okay, I just got way off track. My Grandma was not that kind of witch, at least, not for the most part. There was, of course, that one time when my Grandma and Grandpa had just started dating and my Grandma got wind that my Grandpa was seeing another girl on the side. Well, like any love-struck witch would do, my Grandma found a picture of the little hussy and stuck some pins right in her gut...

...within a week the girl was in the hospital with a burst appendix, or at least that’s how the family legend goes.

Then there was the time that my Grandma – a dedicated figure skating fan – made a voodoo doll of Michelle Kwan and proceeded to stick needles in its knees for politically incorrect reasons I won’t even get into...

...now even though Michelle didn't meet the same end as Nancy Kerrigan, she did have enough stumbles to keep her from the gold, and my Grandma never stopped happily taking credit for that fact.

Yep, like I said, my Grandma was a badass witch, and when she passed away last year, I was the one to inherit her witch’s hat and spell books to carry on the tradition. So when I was thinking of ways to personalize my PMC riding outfit, it didn’t take long to land on a witch theme. Thing is, my grandma’s witch’s hat is about 3 feet tall- not exactly the aerodynamic accessory I had in mind.

As a substitute, I’m gonna use the next best thing and glue a *mini* witch’s hat right onto my helmet. And for my jersey, which is still very much in the design phase, I’m going to incorporate my favorite photo of Grandma.

Basically, this is what I'll look like on PanMass Challenge weekend:


So forget the doubt. I'll definitely be lookin' goooooooood.